Reflection on Experience with trainer in training

 As I felt what it was like to have a different teacher holding the space, I wanted to take a note on what it was like for me as a participant. Perhaps it was from a sense of uncertainty as it was the first time this teacher led a session online, but one thing that I didn’t enjoy was what seemed like him interjecting himself as soon as people finished speaking to guess feelings or needs when I didn’t feel it was necessary. I think just leaving some space for silence after the participant speaks is so important to let the words fill the space and add their own flavor. An eagerness to quickly respond and “do NVC” can be off-putting as it doesn’t allow for the energy of co-creation to flow in an organic and natural way.

I did enjoy the invitation to add anything to the space that comes up. And the topic sparked something alive in all of the participants who took their turn to share something that added to the richness of connection in the group. So when I noticed the teacher not giving a pause before guessing feelings and needs, it seemed like he felt a pressure to “lead” the space, when I really enjoy when the teacher can also participate equally, if there was no strict agenda to begin with. If there were, it would be good to outline a definitive plan near the beginning of the session and give an idea on how many voices can be heard before the teaching portion begins.

As well, I noticed how there was a tendency to either guess feelings or needs or sum up what he heard for almost every person. Maybe out of a need to feel skillful in leading? I find that if he had just stayed silent, or maybe just said thank you, it still would’ve served the aliveness of what’s being brought to the group space, just by its existing. Sometimes there is nothing that needs to be added for something to be poignant or touching.

I think this was a good experience to remind myself that if I notice a pressure in me, it’s good to simply breathe first and remind myself of my intentions, which is something he said and that resonated with me. Check what my intention is so that I can contribute to that with what I do and say instead of reacting and bringing myself away from that.

Another great point he mentioned was to check who the focus was on when in an argument. If it’s on what the other person is doing, it would be easy to turn it into a fight of me vs. them. Bringing it back to my inner experience which includes what happens in my body can be a good way to reset my compass.