Insights into Self-Empathy Process

Observation: I was sharing gratitude to my husband about his allowing me to use his computer when mine was having issues. I also wanted to explain to him how it was convenient because I planned to type out my NVC journal, but as I was giving him the explanation he looked into the kitchen, was distracted by the oven being on, went to turn it off then started getting ready for work. I waited a few minutes to see if he would ask me to finish what I was saying, but when he didn’t, I was upset.

Remembering the exercise of logging moments of unpleasantness suggested by Nadine, I checked in with my body to see how this was registering in my body. There was pain/acheyness in the chest, and something like a closing or hardness. As for feelings, there was anger and sadness.

He had to leave soon after and my stepson noticed I didn’t seem OK, so he asked what’s up, and I noticed that the pain and sadness came to the forefront while the anger took a seat. That’s it. To be seen and given space for me to Be. There was a judgment, “At least someone cares.” But also I tapped into the reason behind the pain: there is something important to me, which is to share space with the Other, to be received and give in return. Wanting to be important. To feel a yes from Life…

As I continue to learn more, I am also given opportunities to have a bird’s eye view of the stories rather than be trapped in them. And the remaining constant is that there is a relationship I want to have with Life and its flow, as it expresses and manifests itself in my interactions with the outside world. I want what I put out to be answered, to be received and given back, and in this way, amplified. There is an aliveness that comes when those needs are met, that life force energy that is in flow without being blocked by judgment, or having an agenda in interactions with others.

The stimulation this time was this disappointment in not being met. I am reminded of how my coach Eva said that life energy can feel both good and bad, and the trick is to welcome and accept every iteration. When I shield myself from one type, and only welcome another, in the end everything is dulled. So as I increase my wideness as a container of this life force, I also increase my ability to savor the flavors in which it comes, even when it’s painful. Only then can I access the full range of expression and reception, which I think is an unspoken aim of NVC itself.