I enjoyed:
- Question in beginning: what comes up for you in hearing this topic?
- pausing after giving chunks of information for people to absorb the info and also make space for comments or questions, or just to take a few breaths and silence between teachings.
- Welcoming critique and requests.
- Invited some points for participants to post what comes up for them in the chat or share by voice.
- Gave personal examples of theory.
- 30 min. at the end for sharing of breakout room findings and closing.
- Final question: what are you taking away? Ideas, experiences, etc.
Things I would like to do in my own sessions:
- slowing down or using changing voice tone to stress important points, or change facial expressions to keep interest.
- Repeat same things with different words to keep in mind limitations on language for non-native participants.
- Would like to include more questions to invite self-reflection in relation to info shared.
- More colors / design in PPT for visual interest.
- Could be nice to ask how it is for you now when thinking of this topic, to map inner relationship to it.
Interesting points:
2 hands of nonviolence. Say no to the action. Say yes to the person. -Barbara Deming
- This is very humanizing, while the trend of “cancel culture” is very dehumanizing. It’s easy to hate others when we have an enemy image of them. Separating a person from their actions can help to create enough distance to see intentions, and what needs they are trying to meet in a tragic way.
Protective use of force is really about living interdependently. “The field of human interdependence requires metabolizing impacts together in order to sustain life and grow capacity” - Miki Kashtan
Presence is transformational. (more than the words you say) Accompaniment reduces trauma.
Individually there’s little we can do, but as a group or collective we can agree on shared values and needs to most effectively bring change. This speaks to my desire to bring NVC as skill to relate in a way that’s very different from what we’re used to, to bring us toward a society based in everyone getting what they need.
Empathic presence can be key to helping hurt not become harm.
Tools available to us in moments of violence:
- Observe in a very general way what is happening with a simple statement. e.g.:
- “As I hear this conversation”
- “As I witness this incident”
- “When I see you do that”
(This helps you find your voice and ease into your message at a moment when you might be scared, overwhelmed or confused)”
- Name how this is impacting you with a simple expression of your feeling state. (doing this will help with self-connection)
- Name Needs/intention when intervening (the direction you want to be going in, or the qualities you would like to see at play.)
- Make a clear and strong suggestion or invitation.
- If the situation doesn’t stop and instead escalates,either towards someone else or towards you, or you don’t feel safe, then withdraw transparently naming what you are doing,
- “I can see what I want isn’t happening, I’m stepping back now"
- It can be helpful to stay in the indisputable territory of feelings and needs.
When jumping in between 2 people conflicting, I act as the prefrontal cortex for their amygdalas. They are in fight or flight, so I can be the calming voice of reason if necessary.
Most interventions are going to be painful or frustrating or even worse. It can leave an impact on us. So we need a ton of self-empathy afterwards.
It’s intuitive to know when to do something even if you have some fear. You can feel rooted in your feet and confident, but depending on the context decide the lack of safety outweighs the ability to intervene.
Roleplay can give insights, and rewire your way of thinking or experiencing a situation. Can also allow embodying of a practice and giving experience to build confidence.
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